Three very hard years where i felt invisible.

I remember vividly, and clearly that phone call, i was at a friends house when my mother called, when my friends mother answered the phone i thought something did not sound right. So in my mind i was preparing my self for the worst. It was like god told me to keep my self safe. When i was handed the phone my mothers voice was shaky, she then proceeded to tell me that my uncle was stuck in a coal mine after an explosion (Pike River Mine), i held myself together very well. 


My mother said everything may not be ok but everything might be ok. She then flew down to Barrytown to help out my aunt. My Mother was gone for so long! it was hard because i was still being bullied at school and i had exams to do. i found it hard to get up in the mornings. i did not study at all and failed every exam. we had a school camping trip coming up but i did not go as i wanted to fly down to Barrytown with the rest of the family. because at this point i had not seen my Mother in 21 days and i was suffering, my father was doing all he could but he was processing the trap/loss of his brother.

The second explosion confirmed his death it was so darn hard. I prayed and prayed and prayed. But still felt NOTHING i just felt numb. i had never lost something so special in my life. 

Fast forward to one year after my uncle dying. we had a celebration and remembered my smart, talented, loving uncle. but a few days later my Granddad went for surgery and the doctors gave him the wrong blood and he had a stroke and became brain damaged. he was in ICU for 10 days. doctors were telling us to disconnect his life support when one day he became lucid. My Mum stayed at the hospital for two months this was so hard i felt left abandoned! i had a hard time with exams again and failed  he is still in rehabilitation to this day. November became the month we dreaded!

November 2012 my uncle died of cancer in his lungs he was a potter so he had inhaled a lot of the chemicals in his life. my dads other brother ! my dad proceeded to go stay down in Palmerston North for a week he planed the funeral since my Oma was in a hard state. Since November is the month of exams, i could concentrate on my exams again. and once again failed all my exams! 

My Brother then developed epilepsy February 2013 wow this was hard. i was also at the same stage becoming very ill with tonsillitis i would tell my mum but she had bigger things to worry about it wasn’t that she didn’t like me she was doing her best to cope with my brother! i stared to HATE school my mum never realised because she was doing something with sam. so i would be very sick and not do any thing about it but cry myself to sleep i felt so invisible and had for the past years! dropped out of school which came to a surprise to my mother, but she became supportive. i got my job at the day care. and for the first time since pike river mine i felt seen!

I Am Happy

My Brothers epilepsy has just now been controlled. i feel this will be my year i am going to have the best year yet!

Love From Tess xo 

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